​The short version:
Relationships are the most important ingredient for a well-balanced, healthy, happy and long life.
 
Close relationships nourish us with deep connection based on an open and voluntary exchange of energies on many levels.
 
If we learn to open ourselves up and to expand our consciousness beyond the framework of our “normal perspectives” and expectations, we enter the magic of true relationship.
On our way there we need to overcome two big influential factors that sometimes can block or hinder an open and pure connection and a free unconditional exchange of energies: the negative aspects of dependency and our “user-mindset”.
 
We are all interconnected and depend on each other in various ways. There are supportive and nourishing aspects of this interdependence – and there are non-supportive aspects that limit the free exchange of energy. The ability to perceive the world through the eyes of other human individuals or other life forms can be an amazing experience of modern shape shifting: We merge with “the other”, gaining a deeper and broader understanding and vision of “the bigger picture”.  As a business owner we see the world through the eyes of our clients. As a parent we learn how to look at the world through the eyes of a child. As a teacher we receive the gifts that our students hold for us. And as humans we are able to access a “whole new world” by merging with trees and other plants, other animals, the mineral kingdom, and the “unseen realms of the spirit world”. When becoming the river we can feel the flow and the alignment of energies… When shape shifting into a mountain we can feel the powerful, stable and calm presence of thousands of years.
 
If you want to know more, keep on reading ;)

The long version:
I LOVE animals.
When I was a child, I always wanted an animal companion, so I welcomed rabbits, hamsters, canaries, dogs and later “foster horses” into our family. I cared for them with all my heart and tried to make their lives as comfortable as possible. As I strongly disliked cages and fences, I let them run or fly freely in or around the house – much to the displeasure of my parents at times…
Two birds took their chance and disappeared one day through an open window in our living room. And one of the hamsters died one morning after indulging in an opulent night-time meal of leaves from a potted rubber tree in our lounge. One rabbit was attacked by a cat in our huge garden area, but his female partner saved him and chased the cat away. Apart from these incidences, all my animal friends stayed with us and had pretty cruisy life-style. I took the horses for long walks, without lead rope or anything, together with the dogs. They were free to roam, and as far as I was concerned, we simply enjoyed each other’s company and (mostly) stayed close together.
Still… there was something “missing”. There was something deep inside of me, a tiny little voice in my heart, that didn’t “feel good about it”. There was this slight dissonance that I only became consciously aware of much later in my life, when I swam with dolphins in the wild for the first time: I was swimming in a bay off La Palma, a couple of hundred meters away from shore, all by myself, when suddenly a group of wild bottle-nose dolphins appeared. At first, only one individual came really close, within my arms reach. She swam beside me and then kept going back and forth for a short time, while I paddled gently with my flippers to keep my body on the surface. Then, she swam back to the group who had circled me at a little distance. Now they all came closer, swam around me, below me, and some even gently touched my body while passing. I could feel their clicks vibrating in my body and hear their high-pitched sounds… It was magic. They took me into their world and I completely forgot my Self…
 
There is a huge difference whether you meet somebody on an equal level, based on free will, open and without expectations. 
It changes the whole relationship experience to something that is different to what we are used to.
 
When I was about 11 years old, I had a raven friend. I first met him when he showed up at my window while I was doing homework for school. He sat on the wooden railing of my balcony and watched me intently. His shiny blue-black feathers fascinated me. I had never seen a raven from this close. After a while he flew away and I didn’t think more of it – until he came back the next day. And the next, and the next… I started opening my window and talked to him. We had long conversations about all sorts of things. He came most days, and if I was not in my room, he would track me down and knock on the windows of our kitchen or living room or wherever I was with his strong beak. My family teased me and called me “Kleine Hexe” (little witch).
He often took on the role of a mentor. I would bounce ideas off him and share my dreams and sorrows… And: I learned to see the world through his eyes as well. A very different perspective compared to mine!
 
I used to bike to school, and one day, when I opened the gate to the land where we were living, I saw Raven flying down from a big tree. He accompanied me the rest of the way to our house. From then on, he either visited me on the balcony in front of my window or he picked me up at the gate and we walked/flew home together. Somehow he always knew exactly, when I would come home. Even when I was held off at school or finished early: he was always “in time” to meet me.
Our relationship held many treasures for me (and I assume for him, too – why else would he have kept coming?). It provided the “missing bit” and stilled, for the first time, my longing for a relationship based on free will and equality.
Today, I think it was because of two main factors:
 
1. At any one point in our relationship we were both free to be wherever we chose to be.

2. Neither of us depended on the other for food, drink or anything else to meet our basic needs.
 
From my observation, these two elements hugely affect the way we relate to each other.
 
Another aspect that interferes with a deep, unconditional, open relationship is what I call the “user-perspective” or "user mindset". Instead of being interested in other perspectives and open to experience the world through “other eyes” (thus expanding our consciousness), we tend to see relationships a lot from a user-angle: what can I use “the other” for? What benefits does the relationship hold for me? How does the other being fit into “my normal world”? This is often a cause for trouble and exhaustion in a relationship, no matter if we look at innerspecies (between humans) or interspecies (between humans and other beings) relationships.
We see trees as timber or firewood suppliers; parents as taxi drivers, cooks, laundry staff, cleaners; our partners as emotional and overall personal support system; and our “pets” are often used to meet our needs for unconditional love, cuddles and as our therapists. Again: there is no “good” nor “bad”. It is about observing our Selves and learning to discern when we do what and why. 
 
There is a fine line between the nurturing aspects of “feeling useful” and “being of use” on one hand and the less supportive aspects of ab-use and exploitation on the other.
If we – consciously or unconsciously – choose to be and connect with another being, because we see a benefit for our Selves, it can lead us to expect that the other being gives something to us. Instead of seeing and receiving the gift they might have to share with us, we focus on our expectation – and completely miss the opportunity of an expansive relationship.
If there is a mutual agreement and understanding about exchanging certain gifts (e.g. between a healer and the person who wants to be healed), then there isn’t an issue. However, I often see that people seem to neither ask in the beginning nor check in along the way if all partners involved agree to take on certain roles. This is especially noticeable in interspecies relationships. Humans often seem to assume that other species are here to sustain us (e.g. as “food sources”) or to help us to keep our balance and that we can “use” them as we please.
 
Looking at relationships in regards to the two before mentioned factors – free choice/will and dependency levels –, I observed the following: No matter how much we love our animal companions or pets, our animal therapists, farm animals, etc.: They mostly aren’t 100% free to go where they want to go and we mostly provide their food and/or drinking water. They are used to depend on us for life essentials. Again: I mean no judgment here. It is simply about exploring the impact those two factors can have on our relationships.
 
I have seen humans using wild or domesticated animals as therapists and friends, with best intentions. I have been involved in dolphin assisted learning and healing programs in the early 1990’s and in equine assisted therapy for most of my life. I have seen amazing things happening – beautiful relationships, incredible healing. I met many animals who enjoyed their “job” or role as a therapist, teacher, healer – most of the time at least.  I also met many who “did the job” – but given a choice I know that they wouldn’t have chosen to do this job on a regular and ongoing basis.
In exchange they were fed, loved, cared for (most of them anyway). Most of their human relations seemed to have genuinely good intentions. However, all of these animals have been kept in captivity without them being asked J It seems to me that “captivity” almost became a norm in our human world – we don’t seem to think much of it anymore. Zoos and animal parks are seen as normal entertainment and education facilities for the whole family, and when have you seen the last wild cow, horse, dog running around freely and without any restrictions in your neighbourhood? Or the last wild child in the woods for that matter? What about your Self? Are you confined to four walls, in front of a small screen? Think about it: how many beings do you see on a regular basis that are mostly kept in check within paddocks, kennels, classrooms and fenced off school yards, offices, etc.? And how many actually choose to be there, or would, given a choice, run off and rather be somewhere else?
 
These aspects influence ALL our relationships. Parent-child, teacher-student, employer-employee, male-female partnerships all include aspects of dependency and a “user mindset” that is deeply ingrained in our collective psyche.
It can be a huge task and challenge to become aware of these aspects and how they affect our relationships. However, from my experience, it is very rewarding. You will be able to experience relationships on a whole new level!
 
Ask your Self in what areas of your life you are in a “power position”. This might not be that obvious sometimes. For example: we are in a power position compared to our young children – we provide their food, are in charge of their mobility (= we decide where they are allowed to go and when), etc.
 
Are you in a partnership?
It’s worthwhile to explore any “areas of neediness and dependencies” in your relationship J Are you or your partner financially, emotionally, socially depending on each other? Does this affect your relationship? If yes, how? Do you have certain expectations that you want to be met within the relationship?
 
Are you a parent or caregiver?
Your children, especially young ones, depend on you – by default. Normally, you provide all the basics (food, shelter, warmth) and, ideally, more than that (an emotionally and socially safe platform, a safe haven from which they can sail off into the world). Clearly, you are in a power position. How does this “play out” in your life and in your relationship with them?
 
How are your work relationships?
Are you an employer or an employee? Are you a self-employed entrepreneur? Where are the dependencies in your work relationships?
 
If you are an “animal lover” – like me – and/or work with animals, and if you want to deepen your connection and bring it to the next level, it is worth to look at your Self and your relationship to your animal friends under those aspects.
The “dependency factor” in our Western world is normally quite high: apart from bird friends, lizards, worms and, occasionally, cats and mice and rats and many insect friends you most likely won’t have many free roaming animal friends around you who care entirely for themselves and don’t depend on you at all.
Yes, we are all interconnected and depend on each other all the time – this is true. However, this is not what I am talking about here. I talk about the importance to become aware of the dependencies we created, about our “user mindset” and how both factors affect our relationships.
It is about awareness and getting a clear picture of how we relate to each other.
 
Deep inside, most of us long for deep meaningful fulfilling relationships. In fact, such relationships are seen as the main ingredient for a well-balanced happy long life. 

This photo has been taken by Nomi Baumgartl with dolphins in the wild.
(c) 2016 by Nomi Baumgartl

I am a writer, a storyteller and a collector of stories… we all are in a way. We all write the stories of our life and collect the stories of others, listening to their experiences and insights. We write stories all the time, as individuals, as members of a family, a tribe, a workplace, a culture, a religion… Some stories stay with us over hundreds of years, others are short-lived and aren’t told for long. As we evolve, our stories evolve, too, and reflect our state of consciousness. That’s the beauty of storytelling and writing: you can change a story, rewrite it, take elements that work well and dismiss others that aren’t “serving the plot”.
 
Stories are usually born out of experiences. From the experience grows the impulse to share and tell the story. Writing a new story brings joy and excitement. It is often a plunge in the unknown, a process of exploring and experimenting, and as a writer you never quite know where it will take you. A new story also often evokes opposition and resistance, and might trigger suppressed feelings. Stories can be a great space to explore the shadow-side of things.
Stories can be entertaining, full of wisdom and knowledge, provoking, soothing, uplifting, horrifying, strange, quirky, spiritual, emotional, scientific… in short: they can illustrate many aspects of life and can create various atmospheres.

​We are all born with an innate feeling of connection. When we are born, we know and feel the interconnectedness of all life. We can “travel between the worlds” and have access to all sorts of  “magical and supernatural” realms.
 
As we grow up, depending on our environment, we become more and more focused on (or restricted to) the “world view” of our parents, teachers, society, culture… You can observe this process in the face of newborn babies on their journey through childhood…

First a question: would something change in your life, if money/earning money wasn’t an “issue”?
 
Be honest to yourself, when you answer this question – and take some time to explore it.

In our modern lives and psyche “money-making” is ingrained and role-modelled as an underlying core value. And many aren’t aware to what extend most people growing up in modern societies are influenced and coined by it. Money-making and money developed its own dynamic in our collective psyche. It became a motivator and anchor point in our societies – even for those who strive for other ideals and values.  
In a bigger context, money can be seen as a form of energy.
How much is “getting energy from others” steering what you do?
If you had enough energy available, would you arrange your life differently?
What would you do?
How would you feel?
 
It’s interesting to explore these questions and to become aware of how much money/the related mindset is steering your actions and decision-making. The “money-mindset” is often so deeply ingrained within us, that we hardly notice its influence. Some might think they are free of it, but their ongoing struggle with “money-issues” is just the other side of the coin ;)

The money-mindset is installed in our children (and has been installed in many of us) through modelling in their environment from a very young age: even if they grow up in a setting where people talk differently, they see how, deep inside, money is a big influential factor in people's lives and systems around them. We have allowed money to become much more than a bare means of exchanging goods and services. This is why it’s so important to explore the above question in depth and with an open heart and mind :)
 
Do you grow your own food and sell your surplus to others? Are you offering your knowledge, wisdom, art, healing, any other skills to others for money? How often do you think about how to sell this or that in order to… make a living?
 
We have built almost all systems in modern society around money-making – hence, it is not so easy to “step out of it” and all the related thinking patterns and belief systems. And maybe we do not need to. But I think it is high time to reflect on our acquired mindsets in relation to money, our relationship to money and to consciously re-assess the meaning and power we attribute to money-making and money in our everyday lives as a motivational factor.
A first step is to become aware when and how it affects us on a deeper level of our thinking.
Share-economy, gift-economy, universal income and similar concepts and ideas try to point in a different direction. However, only if we all explore the unconscious aspects and effects of money in our psyche, will we be able to sustainably transition into a new way of dealing with money and, more importantly, with all the related aspects of "energy flow" and open connection in life :)

P.S.: At first sight, you might wonder what this post has to do with "interconnectedness", feeling connected, and opening connection channels. If you explore the various aspects and effects of the "money-mindset", you'll see how it impacts on our ability to feel connected and often blocks our connection channels.

If we stuff ourselves - with information, food, things, beliefs, opinions, appointments, dead-lines,… - it becomes increasingly difficult to feel and sense what IS and what wants to BE, and the perception of our own inner truth is blurred. 

After sitting in silence for a while, listening to the birds weaving their polyphonic magic - sharing pure joy of life and beauty with all -, watching the colours of the night sky shift from blue-greyish into a mesmerising kaleidoscope of pink and red and orange and yellow, I looked into the flowing water and thought of the many lessons and insights the rivers, streams, oceans, waterways on this planet have taught me over the years. I feel huge gratitude for it.

"The river holds many lessons", I said. "It has taught me and will teach you a lot, beyond words. It taught me about how to shift mountains, for instance, simply by persevering..."

We were quiet for a few moments, then my son said: "It taught me a lot already... that there are fast stretches and slow ones, and that all you need to do is go with the flow. It takes a lot of energy to go upstream, while it's much easier to go with the flow."

​Happy solstice!

I just came back to our peaceful home after a trip to Germany. I visited my mum in Freiburg, a town of about 230.000 inhabitants near the Black Forest. It’s a university town with a lot of students and a mix of cultures and backgrounds. People are well-educated, well-fed, and a lot of them would call themselves open-minded. Close to France and Switzerland, Freiburg has always been open to visitors, other cultures and languages, and is “bilingual” with French-German High Schools and a French Quarter. Over 2000 currently refugees live in Freiburg - numbers raising.
People open their homes and help where they can. Community halls and gymnasiums are transformed into temporary emergency accommodation. The army builds emergency shelters. Container cities are established where ever there is space. People are asked to open their homes and/or offer their holiday homes if they own any.
Winter is coming – and refugees who arrive at the Mediterranean coast burn plastic bags to keep warm. City councils and organisations in Freiburg and surroundings are overwhelmed. There is a protocol to be followed, but the case officers are under-staffed, time is ticking, and the stream of refugees doesn’t end…
 
The feeling of urgency is omnipresent.
And the reaction of the people isn’t unanimous.
There is love, compassion and empathy, people who are willing to share and to acknowledge differences and to abstain from their normal consumption in order to help.
There is fear, anger and frustration on the other hand. People who are scared that their community, country, continent cannot sustain so many new arrivals, that there is not enough for everyone, that crime rates, unemployment and social security is at risk. That their status quo is in danger.
 
I heard many voices, many stories.
Some based on first-hand experiences, some based on second-hand information and media stories. A very diverse range of perspectives and emotions.
I can see where people are coming from.
As often in life: there is not one answer, one size fits all.
We need to choose which way we go, where we want to stand.
 
My question is: How can I not share and help in such an emergency? I can see the fears and concerns, however, I personally couldn’t close my heart and door and leave people, literally, standing in the rain.
What would you do if someone knocks on your door – literally or metaphorically?
 
My brother opened his house to Syrian refugees. He helps them to deal with the authorities, to learn German, to cope with life in a new environment, in a culture that is foreign to them. He is 76 and I admire his dedication to help. Yet he also sees the challenges that come with the current migration flood.

One thing is "emergency care" - to deal with the acuteness of people fleeing their homes with just what they can carry, literally running for their lives, many dying on their way. Another thing is, how to deal with the human condition that makes this possible: Wars are not only a clash of differences, but also a huge money-making business. Hence, there is a lot of interest to keep the war machinery going worldwide. And this is another story...
 
I see a great opportunity in this: an opportunity for us humans to rise to the next level and to learn and grow TOGETHER. To learn how to communicate with each other despite our differences. To balance each other’s differences and not to fight them.
Tolerance, acceptance, respect, compassion, empathy, gentleness… all those “relationship and social skills” that are so valuable for a sustainable and balanced human community, no matter what culture and background. In the past, humans have not been able to overcome this challenge. Wars and abuse, no matter on what scale, between individuals or between tribes, privately or publicly – humans battled in private relationships as well as in armies against each other. Our harmonizing and connecting skills aren’t that well developed – yet. I feel that this is a unique and precious chance for us all to open our hearts, to look at our fears and worries, to let go of the need to control and to embrace the unknown, to embrace our differences. Easier said, then done, perhaps. Big lessons, but what a gift to receive if we choose to accept it, to experiment with it and to at least give it a go and try.
 
In the train on my way to Frankfurt, I overheard a conversation between a man and a woman. They were complaining about the number of refugees in their village: “2 refugees for every 100 locals”, the man said, “ this is frightening. They only come here because of the money anyway. We should send them straight back.”
At the next stop a family entered the compartment: A woman with two little children and a baby, and a man. She was wearing a headscarf and they had no luggage apart from two plastic bags. The train was very full, and there were only two seats free in our compartment. The man opened the door, smiled and pointed towards the seats. “They are reserved”, said the woman next to me and waved her hands. I was surprised as I hadn’t seen a sign and stood up to have a look: they weren’t! I signaled the family that they could sit down and offered my seat to one of the small children. They all obviously didn’t speak German, but their beaming smile was reply enough. The mother looked exhausted and her baby was fast asleep in her arms.
The German couple was showing clearly that they weren’t overly pleased about the turn of things. The children didn’t seem to notice. They smiled most charmingly at them, and when they didn’t get a reaction, they asked their mum something in their language. A brief conversation followed, then the man opened one of the plastic bags. It contained some sort of bread that smelled delicious with a red spread on top. The children cheered and thoroughly ripped the bred in small pieces. With their charming smile they then offered the bread first to the man and the woman, then to me who was standing at the door. They smiled and giggled and obviously enjoyed themselves.
It was priceless to see the “dilemma” on the faces of the man and the woman: the conflict between their aversion against “those refugees” and their “good education”. The man refused to take the bread. The woman curtly nodded and took the bread, not sure what to do with it. The children watched us closely, so I took a bite. It was as delicious as it smelled.
“It tastes great”, I said – and the woman carefully nibbled at it. She obviously liked it – to her own surprise. “You should try it – it tastes GOOD,” she said to the man. He reluctantly took a bite from her piece. The children were still watching us closely – and when they saw the surprised look on his face, they hurried to offer him the piece he had refused minutes earlier.
He took it, and – he smiled. “Thank you!”
They looked very content, and their parents smiled as well, offering more bread when we had finished our pieces. They hadn’t eaten yet, and there were only a few pieces left. So I asked them in sign language to eat, too. The children said something in their language, which we didn’t understand. Their father asked: “English?” He spoke no German, but a bit English and was able to explain to me that they had just arrived from Belgrad and where on their way to Hamburg to a refugee home. They were tired and so glad they could sit, as in the last train, they had had to stand for some hours. So they wanted to share their food that they had been given in Munich with us. “People here so kind”, he said. “They help and give us clothes and free ride.” And he smiled.
When I translated his words for the German couple, their faces changed. They smiled, and not just with their mouths. “Thank you”, they both said. And the woman stood up and got a bag with some mandarins out of her luggage.
For the next hour we sat there, sharing food and smiles and the atmosphere completely changed. And when one of the small children fell asleep and the mother struggled with both the baby and a toddler on her lap, the man who had connected with the other child invited her to sit with him. He took out a pen and a notebook and they played some drawing games, laughing and joking without words.
​When I left the train in Frankfurt, we all hugged and wished each other a good journey.
The others had another couple of hours ahead of them… who knows what gifts they held for them…  

Do you see the white triangle? This is an example of the brain making sense of a picture for itself, by filling the gaps. 
There is no white triangle - or is there?

Nature over there, me here? Is there an individual ME? Or is it the brain creating the illusion of an individual ME? 

When I talk about "SELF" I don't mean the "ME" that the brain creates. I mean the energy field that we are that is intimately linked to and in constant exchange with many other energy fields forming an overall pulsating, ever-changing, evolving, colourful field of life/death. 

So Nature/Self are just aspects of the same field. Through feeling Self, we are able to feel Nature. Through feeling Nature, we are able to feel Self. 
If we feel connected, it is all the same. 
(= If we are able to perceive this connection, not only with our minds, but with our whole body-mind-soul complex)
If our perception of connection is interrupted (read my other posts about Self connection), we might need to take some conscious steps to re-connect and to re-activate our connection channels.