We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.
“Don’t be angry, this isn’t good for you” is a strong message and can easily translate into a mind-set that leads the girl away from her Self in the future (see Being authentic).
It seems to be a feature of the mind to categorise things and separate them into standardised boxes (e.g. “good” and “bad”). The challenge with “good”/”positive” and “bad”/”negative” is that it is quite subjective, depending on opinions, personal judgments, beliefs and values. That’s why I prefer to let my mind categorise into “life-affirming” and “life-destructive”.
Depending on cultural traditions, social environment, personal experiences, education, etc., people usually tend to have different mind-sets about “positive” and “negative”. Out of these mind-sets come fear and aversion against all things “negative”. We want to avoid “the negative stuff” at all cost, because our mind tells us it is bad = life-destructive. For instance, a lot of people are afraid of the dark or of deep water. These fears root in an ancient “mind-set” (already hardwired in our body system) that predators lurk in the dark of the night or in the depths of the ocean/lake. No matter how real the actual risk, our mind paints horrible images – and we follow suit. Other mind-sets might tell us that “anger is no good” as it might lead to aggressive behavior – towards ourselves/others. Spiritual teachings encourage us to “overcome our shadow and dwell in the eternal light of the divine”.
We have to be careful and discerning: what our mind declares as negative/bad/dark doesn’t necessarily have to be avoided. The night is an equally valid part of the night-day-cycle. Is night to be feared more than day? Are our so-called "shadow sides" worth less than our “sunny sides”?
Instead of letting our mind freely categorise, judge and control our life, can we embrace the kaleidoscope of all that is and assess the meaning of it for our life, in relation to our Self, in a neutral and more objective way? Can we learn to navigate through dark and light, night and day, anger and joy, male and female in a balanced way? Not by suppressing or overemphasize one over the other, but by acknowledging the value and the meaning of each in relation to our Self, embracing “all that is” with love - and thus become whole.